I'm not sitting around wishing, dreaming, and hoping for a man to come into my life. In fact, at this point in my life, I can't imagine dating again, let alone getting married again. I'm sure that my friends are well meaning when they mention my future husband or when they get disappointed when I tell them that I don't believe in marriage. I know that they want me to be happy. But what they don't understand is that I'm happier on my own than I'd been in a relationship in a long time. And I'm not just talking about the last year and a half of my marriage, when things were awful.
I don't know if it's my personality or the place I'm at in my life. I love people; I thrive when I'm in social environments. But when I'm home, I need time to be alone and do my own thing. I recently learned that this makes me an ambivert: a weird combination of an introvert and an extrovert. So I don't want someone waiting for me when I get home. Literally. I DON'T WANT someone at home.
I feel like there's got to be more that I can say to get my point across. But isn't this enough? I'm sure that you might be wondering why I don't believe in marriage (or long term relationships of any sort, for that matter), but I'll save that for another time.
Happy Fourth!
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
I was laying down during savasana in yoga tonight, thinking about the frozen yogurt that I was going to pick up on my way home. I was contemplating the perfect combination: cake batter froyo with a spoonful each of chocolate chips, chopped almonds, and cookie dough. Yes, I'm supposed to be in a meditative state during savasana, but I have a difficult time shutting down my brain. Distracting me even further was the lady who was breathing really loudly because she had a cold (not judging - I've been there).
You're probably wondering, "What in the world are you talking about and how does it relate to this post?"
Once I started contemplating the perfect frozen yogurt order, I thought about MSTBE and how he could never remember my standard order. It was always the same back then: half cake batter with cookie dough and half just chocolate with peanut butter cups. (Yes, I do like to overcomplicate my froyo orders.) That was the beginning of a train of thought that brought me back to this post.
I absolutely hope that I will meet a man that will care to pay attention enough to learn my frozen yogurt preferences. Or who will know that I like purses that have clean lines. Or who will make me laugh regularly. Or who will support me in everything that I do. Or who will build me up instead of tear me down. The list could go on and on.
But here's the difference between me now and me in the past. I'm not holding my breath waiting for that man to come around. I'm not putting my life on hold for him. I'm living my life. I'm doing what I want to be doing. I'm saving to buy a house. I'm loving my kids and my job and my family. I'm doing yoga and running. I'm working hard to make time for the people that mean the most to me.
I'm doing these things for a lot of reasons. I'm doing them because I want to be happy now; I'm not waiting to be happy when a certain man comes into my life. I'm doing them because there's no guarantee that this man will actually come into my life. In fact, at this point in my life, I don't believe that it's very likely that "he" will. So I'm living my life for me and for my kids. And it feels damn good!
