Today is one of those days. You know when you have ten balls in the air and you think you can't possibly handle anymore, and then someone throws a flaming bowling pin at you? That is my life right now. I've got insanity in many areas of work right now. And it's not even rational insanity. It's "Why is this happening?" insanity. I'm finally moving out of the house that I've shared with my husband for half of a year after we essentially called it quits (more on that later). Moving is stressful enough but adding the tension and strain of figuring out who is going to take what makes it pretty miserable. And there's the divorce.
I am laying on the floor next to my almost-one-year-old daughter's crib while she falls asleep and my Mom is giving my almost-three-year-old son a bath. Next I will go put my son to bed. But all that I want to do is stay in here and hide. I want to hide from life right now. I need a break. Just when I start thinking that maybe I can do everything, maybe it is possible, I have a day like today.
But I will pick myself up, dust myself off, dry my tears, and try to be the best person and mother that I can be. I will forge on. I know that there is a better time in my life coming. I sincerely believe that the universe likes balance. I have to believe that, otherwise I couldn't carry on. I have come to realize that the times when I feel the most weak are the times that people are looking at me, amazed at how strong I am.
Note: I wrote this in April but didn't post it until June because I wanted to post other things first and didn't have time to get to them. Now, in June, I'm in a much better place, having finally moved into a new house with the stress that was going on at work behind me.
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