I typed this the day after I typed Sometimes I Want to Curl Up in a Ball and Cry. Reading it again almost three months later is filling me with some of the same emotions I felt the night that I typed it.
"Tonight I'm laying on the floor of my daughter's room as she moans herself to sleep, tears in my eyes like last night. But this time I'm not crying for myself. On the way to work this morning I saw a car with a memorial sticker on it. The boy had the same last name as a student of mine. He died in 2009 at the age of 17. After class, I asked the student if he knew the boy and he said it was his brother. They both went to Florida for the Super Bowl. They both came back sick. My student recovered but his brother got sicker and sicker and eventually died. My student was 10 years old when it happened. During the course of the conversation I asked how his parents are dealing with it. He said that his Mom died a year later of a broken heart, that it's just been him and his Dad for the past five years, and that she never left her room the entire year between the death of her son and her own death.
This is a kid whom I joke with, saying that we have a love/hate relationship. I tell him that he drives me nuts because he never listens to me. But he makes me laugh, he does his work, he earns good grades, and he's caring and well meaning. I never would've guessed that he's been through such trauma.
So yes, I am going through the most difficult time in my life right now. But my pain doesn't even begin to compare with his or his father's."
This student made such an impact on me long before I knew about the trauma that he's experienced in his life. I always felt like I had an even stronger motherly connection with him that I do with most of my students. After finding out that he lost his Mom several years ago, I understood why. I can't imagine how he makes it through the days, let alone how he does it with a smile and a great sense of humor. My heart still hurts for him. I hope to see him again; I hope that he will swing by my classroom to say hello and joke with me about our love/hate relationship a little bit more.
Sometimes timing is a bit weird. I first wrote this post after what I thought was a ridiculously challenging day and my student's situation brought things into perspective for me. Tonight, I was feeling incredibly frustrated about an encounter that I had with MSTBE this morning. I came on here to edit and post something that's been "waiting in the wings" and I clicked on this. And again, things are in perspective.
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