June 1, 2014 ~ Until You've Walked in Someone's Shoes...

Don't judge divorcees.  Just don't.  I've read so many facebook posts that claim that people who stay in marriages are somehow better than people who get a divorce because they didn't give up or they chose to stick through it or whatever else.  

Let me be the first to tell you:  there was no giving up!  There was a lot of trying and working and crying and counseling and hoping and holding on and arguing and heartache and more crying and hoping and even more counseling.  But there was no giving up.  And trust me, I held on longer than I probably should have.

I can't speak for all people who have been through this because I'm sure that some people do take the easy road out.  But my road has not been an easy one by any means and you have no right to judge me until you've walked in my shoes.  Instead, why don't you consider yourself lucky.  Maybe you're lucky because you knew a little bit more about marriage before you actually got married.  Maybe you're lucky because you met a person who was more suited for you and you were able to see that more clearly.  There are so many reasons that you could consider yourself lucky instead of judging someone who's gone through a divorce.

Nobody wants to get a divorce.  Nobody wants to give up.  Nobody gets married thinking, "Man, I really look forward to the day that we get a divorce and have to figure out how to divide all of our belongings and who gets to spend what time with our kids."  It's an awful experience, the worst that I've been through in my life by far, and nobody has any right to judge me or any other divorcee.  So please stop posting those judgmental things on facebook.

One of the most important things that I've learned as I've gotten older is that you really don't know what somebody is going through until you've walked in their shoes.  My Dad once told a story about a man waiting for the subway with his three kids.  His kids were out of control and the man just stood there, complacent.  The onlookers were appalled, thinking "Why doesn't he do something about their behavior?"  What they didn't know was that the man's wife had just passed away; the kids were acting out because they didn't understand what had happened and the man was complacent because he didn't know how he was going to go on with his life.

You never know what's going on in somebody's life, so don't judge.