I see myself in some of the ugly things that my three year old son does. He yells, "Now!" and I think, "Oh boy, he got that from me, didn't he?" I really need to work on my ability to stay even-keeled. I see myself in some of the ugly things that my one year old daughter does. She grabs the spoon that I'm trying to feed her with, throws it down, and then picks it up to feed herself. I think she gets that from me, too. I really need to work on not being so strong willed and stubborn.
It's worse when I see myself treating my kids in ways that I don't like. Fortunately, it doesn't happen often and I have the sense to apologize after I do something ugly. But it still happens sometimes. Like when I lose my patience and yell. I don't want to make my kids feel badly. Nobody does. And it makes me feel awful when I do.
I feel tempted to type, "Nobody's perfect though, right?" But that's not good enough for me. When it comes to my kids, it's just not good enough and I strive for the very best. I guess I have that ideal in many aspects of my life but it is so much more important to me with my kids.
Here's the good thing: I also see the positive aspects of my personality shine through in my kids. I see my son share toys, say please and thank you without prompting, and show that he cares about other people and I know that these things are partly thanks to me (along with other people, I'm sure).
My kids have helped me grow so much as a person. I see myself going with the flow so much more; I express myself and my feelings so much more; I am gaining patience. One of my biggest goals in life has always been to learn about myself and I continually strive to be a better person. My kids are helping me do this.
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