April 7, 2015 ~ A Lesson for the Twenty-Somethings

I am incredibly lucky to have met a great group of ladies that started with a new Moms group that I joined when my son was only a few weeks old. Throughout the years, our group has grown in so many ways: more Moms have joined our circle, more babies have been born, and more love has evolved. We are all passionate about our children and make them top priority in our lives. One thing that makes this group of women so exceptional is that there is never any judgment. We all differ in so many ways but I have always felt supported by these women. They came to my rescue with food and help around the house when I threw my back out shortly after having my daughter was born. They have been caring and have offered a listening ear through my divorce. Every time I am around them I feel lifted up and supported.

As all new Moms have, we were told over and over again not to lose ourselves in our children. "Be sure to keep your identity in whatever ways possible." I heard it a thousand times and vowed that I wouldn't lose my identity as a person outside of being a Mom. But when you love a little human so immensely, you want to put all of your energy into making that person happy. And when you don't get a whole lot of help from your significant other, it's almost impossible to lead a balanced life. Without a doubt, I have lost myself in the almost four years since my son was born.

The "Moms" and I occasionally get together for girls' night but the majority of the times that we get together are child-centered, at birthday parties and play dates. When we do get out, we certainly enjoy ourselves. Last night some of us went to a Maroon 5 concert. Throughout the night, I noticed so many people sitting, staring at their phones, checking facebook or Twitter or sending email. They almost looked bored. Or like zombies. They may or may not have been annoyed by the Moms in the row behind them, dancing, singing, yelling, laughing, and having a fantastic time. But if they would have paid attention, they could have learned something from us. Instead of looking at a group of Moms who are whooping it up and thinking, "They need to get out more" (I know I used to think that) how about realizing that life is short? Let's enjoy the ride whenever we can and while we can.

As I am getting used to my daughter now spending three nights a week at MSTBE's house, having an empty house on those nights, I'm learning to reconnect with myself, redevelop hobbies that have gone by the wayside, and most importantly, to have fun. I feel like a person again, not just a Mom, and I am happier and more fulfilled. (If you know me or my blog at all, you know that I'm not saying that being a Mom is a bad thing but being only a Mom, not allowing yourself to have any other identity, can be.) I'm learning to get out there and have fun to the full extent possible when the opportunity presents itself. And to make myself a priority.

I leave you with a quote that I came across recently by Bipasha Basu, an Indian actress:

"I want to tell women that you need to love yourself and make yourself a priority. It's only when you are happy yourself, can you make everyone else around you happy. I am still a dreamer and believe in fairy tales, but there is only that much on should give another person. You need to keep something for yourself."