Why does it seem that just when I'm realizing how truly important friends and family are, when I'm learning to value quality time with the people whom I love the most, and when I've finally made a commitment to making more time for these people, I'm smacked in the face with the fact that some of the people whom I thought that I could count on the most are not truly there for me?
I guess when I think about it, this has happened before and isn't altogether uncommon. I felt this same pang just over six years ago when I got married and I have had so many friends mention the same thing when they got married. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's the feeling that you get when you are going through something important in your life and you need to be able to lean on someone, either for support in a difficult time or just to have them be present during a special time in your life, and they let you fall flat on your face. For me, it's a matter of the person or people not making me a priority.
What makes it so much more hurtful is that I wonder if I've done something to cause the behavior. Was I not a good enough friend? Did I say something wrong without realizing it? I guess that goes back to insecurities that I have with myself though and isn't really about them.
Because my extended family lives out of state and I've lived in many different regions of Southern California throughout my life, I don't feel like I have a lot of "people." You know, people whom I can count on. A crew. Friends whom I consider family. Whatever you want to call it. And that makes it even more difficult when I realize that someone whom I thought was, in fact, one of my "people" maybe doesn't consider me one of her "people."
I think that part of this hurt is about growing up. I've decided that I'm not anymore going to deal with some of the crap that I've routinely dealt with. I used to allow people to put me on the side burner of their lives, always being there whenever they had time for me, but I'm done with that. Life is too short to be treated poorly and made to feel less important.
The pang stings a bit worse when I think about my kids. I want them to have people. I want them to have a solid crew that they can count on.
I've started watching "The Wahlburgers." It's a pretty silly reality TV show about the Wahlberg family and a couple of restaurants that they've opened up. But the reason that I mention it is because they are a family with an amazingly tight bond and they have a group of friends whom they are so incredibly close with, even though they are celebrities and travel and have insane schedules. I'm sure they have problems in their lives, don't get me wrong. But seeing the support that they get from each other and their friends truly makes me jealous.
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