And it had nothing to do with New Years Eve. I've never been a fan of this holiday and it means very little to me.
If you've read a previous post, you know that MSTBE recently cut down his time with the kids because of work. My son has been having a difficult time with it. He regularly cries that he misses his Dad or that he wants to spend the night at his Dad's instead. It's been challenging to deal with on so many levels.
There's nothing that I can do to make it better for him, which kills me. I don't know what to say aside from telling him when he'll next see his Dad, offering to call MSTBE so that he can talk to him, trying to validate his feelings, and then as a last ditch effort I try to distract him with something.
But it's also been incredibly difficult because I feel so worthless and unappreciated. This is the part that is really slaying me not only because I'm having these feelings but mostly because I feel guilty for having them. I know that the way that he is behaving is completely normal. I know that he loves me and needs me in his life as much if not more than anyone else. But for some reason it still breaks my heart.
This is one of those things about being a parent where I need to learn something about myself in order to do a better job at raising my kids. What is it about myself that is causing me to have such a negative reaction to completely normal 3-year-old-going-through-a-divorce behavior and how do I keep it from affecting the way that I treat said 3 year old? I haven't had much of a chance to analyze it because I've been drowning my feelings with Watch What Happens Live and Candy Crush Soda Saga. That will be good enough for tonight. I will get to the analyzing in the light of day tomorrow.
Truly, I hope that everyone has a fantastic 2015. I know that my year will be looking up and I anticipate many great experiences.
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