July 6, 2014 ~ This Single Mom Gig is Tough!

I have ridiculously high standards for myself in every way: in my achievements at work, in the way that I treat others, in the food that I bring into our house, in staying on top of housework (I kick myself all too often on this one lately), and particularly in how I raise my kids. Perfection, whatever that means, is what I strive for. I really get upset with myself when I lose my temper; I beat myself up when I allow myself to forget that they're kids who are learning and are uncontrollable. (Control is a pretty major issue of mine but we can delve more deeply into that another time.)

I know that when I start doing things that I really get upset with myself about, I need a break. "Everyone needs a break," you're thinking. I agree. That's one of the big issues that caused my marriage to crumble. I wasn't offered any breaks and I didn't insist on them. I have the "I Can Do It All Myself" personality. I've learned in the past three years since having a kid (and then two!) that I can't. But somehow, subconsciously, I still hold myself to that standard.

But when I find myself losing patience more often than usual, I am reminded that I am not, in fact, Superwoman. I can do a lot. I've proven that time and time again, whether it be caring for a newborn with no experience and very little help, figuring out how to fix things or put complicated toys together completely on my own (or taking over a toy project from MSTBE - I'll have to write about that one sometime), or simply just keeping my shit together as much as possible on a day to day basis with two kids. However the times that I find myself where I'm at right now, I remember that I need to take care of myself occasionally. I need "Me Time" to decompress but more importantly, with my personality, I need time to get ahead of my shit, not just stay on top of it. Because, you see, when I have laundry that hasn't been put away for a few days or when I leave dishes in the sink until the morning, it really bothers me.

I think the bigger issue is overcoming this desire for perfection. But I do also need the "Me Time." My kids deserve the best Mom that they can get and they won't have that until I learn a little bit more balance.